Love Thy Father

The bond of love between a father and a daughter is like no other. As we approach Valentines Day I thought it would be interesting to share a little bit about my Ukrainian father Oleskii (Olesky/Alex). He is not a great scientist or inventor; he is just an ordinary person who went through his difficult life path. A person who loves his family, his country and his people, which has always been his priority. I would like to dedicate this article to all dads and note the large and significant role they play in the life of their family.

My father was the third born, the youngest child in his family. His father tragically passed away when my dad was very young and he and his brother and sister were raised by their mother, my grandmother. The family lived in a small Ukrainian village where grandmother worked as a saleswoman and ran a store that was located in her house. People respected and loved her for her intelligence and kindness and customers from neighboring villages often came to grandmother's store. They walked several kilometers to shop and chat with each other, learn and discuss interesting news.

Grandmother kept a household and a large vegetable garden. When she was at work, the children helped her, fed the pets, and cleaned the house and the yard. When my father turned fifteen, he left the village for a big city where continued his studies. Despite his young age, he had a completely independent life in which he acquired a profession and friends and learned a great deal. After a while, he met my mother, they got married and my sister and I appeared. Dad was engaged in construction, but over time he mastered woodworking and many other crafts. In his house he invented and made a lot with his own hands and so it was that an original table, chairs, a wooden lamp appeared in our house. This is the most beautiful and valuable furniture that can be, made by the hands of your father.

Dad spent a lot of time with my sister and I. There was a forest near our house and when we were little, my father and I often made figurines out of acorns and pine cones. Sometimes we drew funny cartoon characters together and sent the drawings to various competitions. He also took me to a music school to learn to play the violin. I didn’t really like it, but my dad was insistent. His grandfather was a violinist and that was the ironclad argument. Every summer, the whole family went to either the Black Sea or the Sea of Azov in Ukraine. We preferred the Sea of Azov, which was warm and has many beaches and sand bars strewn with small shells. We loved to collect the beautiful shells and the two most striking ones are still kept in my parents’ house.

On one particular trip we went on vacation without my mother and our father took on absolutely all the responsibilities.  He cooked food for my sister and I, like pasta with chicken or homemade soup, and we went to the market with him for fresh farm milk. I remember one day that early in the morning our father went out to sea with the local fishermen on their boat to catch fish, and by evening we had a delicious fish dinner.

Dad has always been very sociable and he still loves it when guests come to visit him. He knows how to cook different delicious dishes. When I was a little girl, I told everyone that if I had a husband, he would definitely need to cook like Dad. I considered all men who knew how to cook at least something to be professional cooks. Unfortunately, this dream did not come true, but I adopted some of my dad's culinary skills and sometimes cook according to his recipes.  He taught me how to cook borscht with wild mushrooms and he also knows how to cook delicious oriental pilaf and Polish soup Zurek.

My love for picking berries and mushrooms in the forest is also his legacy. Dad grew up in a region with a lot of forests and locals often went into those forests to pick mushrooms. In times of famine, this was a salvation for many families. Dad still has books on collecting medicinal plants, berries and mushrooms and in our family there was a tradition of going to the forest every year to pick mushrooms or blueberries.  It was fun and we often took friends with us. Once I invited my friend to our family hike which she really enjoyed it.  We picked a lot of berries and what a delicious lunch in nature it was. I remember that we had the standard set of boiled eggs, fresh home-grown tomatoes, mom's cutlets and the pine scent of the forest.

A father's support for his children is very important at any age. When the war began in our country, it happened two days after his birthday and the first thing I did was call him. I had prepared a special gift for him and was going to go to my parent’s house to congratulate him, but the war changed our plans. I have tried to make sure that my parents did not worry about us, and my dad tries to stay calm in any situation. Even the young can envy our parents' resilience.

Dad loves meeting with friends and traveling and one summer he went to visit his friend in Slovakia and they had a great time. Once, Dad jokingly said to me that you need to travel more often so that death does not find you and cannot catch up with you. If his health allowed, he would like to travel to many new places and meet with his many relatives and friends in both the Ukraine and abroad. Dad still stays in touch with his army friends who all live in different countries, but communicate on social networks. 

Dad did his military service in Slovakia in the city of Komarno and many years later decided to go there. He took his grandson, my son, with him, and the two of them went on this long journey. Dad found the castle, on the grounds of which his military unit had been located. There he met a guard, told him his story and was allowed to go inside. Father was so happy to revisit this place and remember himself and his comrades-in-arms.  He couldn't hold back his tears of joy realizing that he had managed to make this reconnection. He asked my son to run through the place where he once had run with his comrades, carrying out the commander's tasks. It was very symbolic with two generations, two eras, united in this castle.

Dad read many books and when he was young everyone read and people could often be found with a book while travelling or on vacation. We also had a small library at home. In my youth, I read and reread all the historical novels and detective stories that I found on my dad's shelf and the books are still kept in my parents' house. Once when I was visiting my parents I took an old thick book from the shelf. It was a little dusty and when I opened it, I saw a lot of dried plants between the pages and I remembered how I put them there as a child. These plants were more than forty years old and my joy knew no bounds.

All these memories are very valuable and important, because this is our foundation. While our parents are alive, we are rich, regardless of our wealth, and we are beloved children, regardless of age.  My father's birthday is coming up very soon and I really want him and all our fathers and fathers of our children to live as many years as possible, to be healthy and to make their children and grandchildren happy with what they have.

Love for your loved ones is a desire to give them a piece of yourself. Love for your neighbor is a smile, a warm word, and sometimes silence. Love is always unarmed because it is fearless and I am sure that only such love will save this fragile world.

Authors Note: It is believed that part of a relic of St Valentine (patron saint of lovers) was in the Ukraine during the early 1900’s and is now kept in a church in Sambir, Western Ukraine.